Yes, I'll be 12 weeks out tomorrow and I'm 50 lbs. down. I really can't say that it' been hard-well except for the first month was fairly unpleasant-but no worse than sitting in a small room with my family....ok maybe it was not that tough but you get my drift.
And it's become painfully aware that I'll need to buy some clothes at least a couple size smaller. I'm not sure how to get my size 30 brain used to the size 20 though. I'm told that it'll slowly come to me, after all i've been big for some years. I'm going to also start taking some pants and shirts in-as clothes are sooooo stinking expensive! A lot of my back fat has disappeared so my shirts are huge as well so because I love sewing-I'll be busy!!
I also found some darling patterns online and have been making things to wear next summer and for a trip to Florida in a couple months :)
I hope this finds you all celebrating Christs birthday in a festive way. Take a moment to pause, reflect on your blessings. And as always-don't forget to talk like a northerner!!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Trying to move on.....
This is a time for withdrawing your energy, attention, and efforts from the outside world and external goals in order to replenish yourself. Quiet reflection and attention to your inner world, your family, and the foundation that supports all of your outside activities, is called for. This is a time to "lie low".
This is what a good friend sent me after the loss of a friend. It was a tough loss-it always is. Like another said recently "each time we lose another sister to this hideous disease, my heart takes a hit". I couldn't have said it better.
I'm trying VERY hard to put breast cancer behind me. I'm a 4 year survivor and the oncologists will tell you that with each passing year, your chances of reccurance lessen. They say that if you may it to the five year mark-you're basically in the clear. They are wrong. It may be that a majority of women aren't re-diagnosed with cancer, that most will live a long life free of chemo, radiation and the obvious signs that you're a survivor. But then it happens. A sister from the Komen board will be hit again. It's as if you can't breathe and you tell yourself-let the air out. Can you even TRY to understand when you clearly can't. Will that person have the luxury of another Christmas with her family or watching her first born graduate from high school.....and finally, am I next? Am I next in line to get the news that the twinges in my back or legs are not the innocent pains that I thought they were?
Will there ever be a day when I can relax-enjoy the day for all it is without fear of having the rug pulled out? I had a life coach briefly and she explained the process of healing after treatment is over when you are trying to find a "normal" once more. Survivors go through "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder". Your suddenly thrust into this crazy unknown life complete with new rules-some that make sense but many that don't. In my case it was 14 months of handing my life over to strangers to poison me but for a good reason. And the treatment works too-for now.
Now seems to be all that we have. Now is enough for me to smile, laugh and enjoy today. Being a northerner means we are tough beings-tough to live in these harsh sub zero climates for months on end. Hardy, Survivor-whatever you chose to call me I'll answer to anything. I'm honored to walk shoulder to shoulder with these other survivors in good days and bad.
Rest In Peace Elizabeth Edwards. You were a bright star to so many sisters. You will live on in the hearts of many, a role model to all people as you lived and conducted your life with decency and kindness. You are now with your beloved son Wade who you spoke of often, your broken heart at losing him obvious.
We will all meet in heaven someday-and cancer will not be an issue.
This is what a good friend sent me after the loss of a friend. It was a tough loss-it always is. Like another said recently "each time we lose another sister to this hideous disease, my heart takes a hit". I couldn't have said it better.
I'm trying VERY hard to put breast cancer behind me. I'm a 4 year survivor and the oncologists will tell you that with each passing year, your chances of reccurance lessen. They say that if you may it to the five year mark-you're basically in the clear. They are wrong. It may be that a majority of women aren't re-diagnosed with cancer, that most will live a long life free of chemo, radiation and the obvious signs that you're a survivor. But then it happens. A sister from the Komen board will be hit again. It's as if you can't breathe and you tell yourself-let the air out. Can you even TRY to understand when you clearly can't. Will that person have the luxury of another Christmas with her family or watching her first born graduate from high school.....and finally, am I next? Am I next in line to get the news that the twinges in my back or legs are not the innocent pains that I thought they were?
Will there ever be a day when I can relax-enjoy the day for all it is without fear of having the rug pulled out? I had a life coach briefly and she explained the process of healing after treatment is over when you are trying to find a "normal" once more. Survivors go through "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder". Your suddenly thrust into this crazy unknown life complete with new rules-some that make sense but many that don't. In my case it was 14 months of handing my life over to strangers to poison me but for a good reason. And the treatment works too-for now.
Now seems to be all that we have. Now is enough for me to smile, laugh and enjoy today. Being a northerner means we are tough beings-tough to live in these harsh sub zero climates for months on end. Hardy, Survivor-whatever you chose to call me I'll answer to anything. I'm honored to walk shoulder to shoulder with these other survivors in good days and bad.
Rest In Peace Elizabeth Edwards. You were a bright star to so many sisters. You will live on in the hearts of many, a role model to all people as you lived and conducted your life with decency and kindness. You are now with your beloved son Wade who you spoke of often, your broken heart at losing him obvious.
We will all meet in heaven someday-and cancer will not be an issue.
Friday, December 3, 2010
An Awesome Thanksgiving!
I hope you all had a GREAT Thanksgiving-we sure did!! Our two daughters and their loved ones made it great in a crazy, peaceful way.
There were no less than 30 people at our daughter Carleigh and her finance Chris's new home. It was noisy and chaotic with children running circles and adults in every corner visiting. There were older children playing games on the tv and of course my dear hubby and his assistant Ashleigh cooking away in the kitchen while I pretended to know what I was doing as we set the food out in the enormous kitchen that I'm SOOOO jealous of!!!
Carleigh bopped around visiting and making sure that everyone was introduced and knew who they were speaking to while Christopher and some of the cousins were around a fire outside or in the garage.
It was reminiscent of my younger years when we would go out to my favorite aunty and uncles home. Aunty Bobby and uncle Robert had a big farm complete with the HUGE red barn and cows that would moo and chickens that would run around clucking as if to tell us get away!! I loved (still do) the cattle ad their sweet faces and soft fur. They have eyes that to me were the kindest most gentle eyes. And the horses were sooo beautiful and we'd take turns riding them-I'd tease my younger sister who was always to afraid to get on them.
A couple of times a year we'd get a few roasts and hamburger along with a couple of frozen chickens. I never put the true facts together of where they started......:( We would sit and visit in the house during the winter holidays as Minnesota winters are too harsh to be outside until at least June. We would play board games, put puzzles together or play barbies down in the basement. I still remember the smell from the wood stove that provided the warm and cozy heat that warmed our bare toes on the warm floors.
It's with pride and sadness as well that now our children are taking over the holiday entertaining. We gave up the huge family gatherings when we down sized from a 5 bedroom home 6 years ago and retreated to our humble 2 bedroom abode. And just in time for her first get together-Carleigh, Christopher and Erin moved into their first, perfect home. They took with them the dining room table that sat in each of our dining rooms only I was never able to use the two large inserts in it as our rooms weren't large enough-it fits perfectly in their dining room with plenty of walking room to boot! Oh and she's the the third generation of Kings to use that table as her parents, aunt and uncle and grandparents used it before her. My dear husband and I are so proud of that. The chairs were added later by uncle Rory and aunty Nancy as Grandma King had to use the chairs for heating the house one sparse winter.
So life turns as it always does-to another generation. Another time for children to practice all they have learned from their elders. I guess they were watching as they played games and frolicked during those sweet and wonderful years when they were young and care free.
Happy Holidays and Cheers. Take a moment this season to talk like a Northerner :)
There were no less than 30 people at our daughter Carleigh and her finance Chris's new home. It was noisy and chaotic with children running circles and adults in every corner visiting. There were older children playing games on the tv and of course my dear hubby and his assistant Ashleigh cooking away in the kitchen while I pretended to know what I was doing as we set the food out in the enormous kitchen that I'm SOOOO jealous of!!!
Carleigh bopped around visiting and making sure that everyone was introduced and knew who they were speaking to while Christopher and some of the cousins were around a fire outside or in the garage.
It was reminiscent of my younger years when we would go out to my favorite aunty and uncles home. Aunty Bobby and uncle Robert had a big farm complete with the HUGE red barn and cows that would moo and chickens that would run around clucking as if to tell us get away!! I loved (still do) the cattle ad their sweet faces and soft fur. They have eyes that to me were the kindest most gentle eyes. And the horses were sooo beautiful and we'd take turns riding them-I'd tease my younger sister who was always to afraid to get on them.
A couple of times a year we'd get a few roasts and hamburger along with a couple of frozen chickens. I never put the true facts together of where they started......:( We would sit and visit in the house during the winter holidays as Minnesota winters are too harsh to be outside until at least June. We would play board games, put puzzles together or play barbies down in the basement. I still remember the smell from the wood stove that provided the warm and cozy heat that warmed our bare toes on the warm floors.
It's with pride and sadness as well that now our children are taking over the holiday entertaining. We gave up the huge family gatherings when we down sized from a 5 bedroom home 6 years ago and retreated to our humble 2 bedroom abode. And just in time for her first get together-Carleigh, Christopher and Erin moved into their first, perfect home. They took with them the dining room table that sat in each of our dining rooms only I was never able to use the two large inserts in it as our rooms weren't large enough-it fits perfectly in their dining room with plenty of walking room to boot! Oh and she's the the third generation of Kings to use that table as her parents, aunt and uncle and grandparents used it before her. My dear husband and I are so proud of that. The chairs were added later by uncle Rory and aunty Nancy as Grandma King had to use the chairs for heating the house one sparse winter.
So life turns as it always does-to another generation. Another time for children to practice all they have learned from their elders. I guess they were watching as they played games and frolicked during those sweet and wonderful years when they were young and care free.
Happy Holidays and Cheers. Take a moment this season to talk like a Northerner :)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Finding the Roots of my Evil....Happily
I'm officially 6 weeks out and 41lbs. and many inches lost. Had a slight hic-up in that my body apparently didn't like having the internal stitches in and started rejecting them through my incision....ya gross isn't it?? So aside from them having to open the incision up in three places (that have healed quickly) I'm doing great!! So grateful that God, my dear hubby and insurance have allowed me this surgery to lose weight and become healthy once again!! I want to lose about 100 lbs. so I have about 60 to go. Seems daunting but not really.
I think about the previous 25 years of my life and my weight gain. I am one that thinks that weight gain is mostly a result of emotional issues for most people and myself for sure. Although my husband and life are AMAZING, life is hard. I had a crappy childhood for the most part raised by an alcoholic dad that had mental health issues and selfish and emotionally unhealthy mom-I've come to realize that it really "is what it is". My parents did the best that they could and although it could have been better-it also could be a LOT worse. I was given the parents I was given by the grace of God.
For the longest time each time something bad happened in my life I'd ask "Why God", why when I had such a tough childhood and struggled for so many years to come to terms with that do I have to now deal with this. But I answered "Why NOT me?" Why not me instead of someone else that didn't have the strength and heart to go through this and survive. With each situation I always come out stronger and with more wisdom to move on- with courage to conquer the next and the next ect.
So I plan on using my new found health to conquer the world.....to kick aside anything that tries to stop me. To help make the world a little easier for a few and a lot easier for many. I challenge each of you to do the same and give me your ideas, perhaps we can put our minds together and share our strengths to make life easier for some of Gods other children. :)
That's what talking like a Northerner is all about........
I think about the previous 25 years of my life and my weight gain. I am one that thinks that weight gain is mostly a result of emotional issues for most people and myself for sure. Although my husband and life are AMAZING, life is hard. I had a crappy childhood for the most part raised by an alcoholic dad that had mental health issues and selfish and emotionally unhealthy mom-I've come to realize that it really "is what it is". My parents did the best that they could and although it could have been better-it also could be a LOT worse. I was given the parents I was given by the grace of God.
For the longest time each time something bad happened in my life I'd ask "Why God", why when I had such a tough childhood and struggled for so many years to come to terms with that do I have to now deal with this. But I answered "Why NOT me?" Why not me instead of someone else that didn't have the strength and heart to go through this and survive. With each situation I always come out stronger and with more wisdom to move on- with courage to conquer the next and the next ect.
So I plan on using my new found health to conquer the world.....to kick aside anything that tries to stop me. To help make the world a little easier for a few and a lot easier for many. I challenge each of you to do the same and give me your ideas, perhaps we can put our minds together and share our strengths to make life easier for some of Gods other children. :)
That's what talking like a Northerner is all about........
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
One step forward..three steps back
I often think about the Jewish being ripped from their homes to be sent to concentration camps. It's always amazed me that after losing MILLIONS of loved ones to unspeakable torture and eventually death, they carry no ill feeling. They go about their days doing what they must-to live. To endure day to day living. After WWII, many came to the America leaving the night mare as far behind them as possible. Are you as in awe of this as I am?
My nightmare started in August of 2006-my own little holocaust. I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. It seemed like each week brought more "not so good" news. But I endured. My precious husband and children got me through the 14 months of treatment and 7 weeks of radiation. To my surprise, I had "cell mates" in my Hell too. They came in the form of other breast cancer patients. We all came from different back grounds, family dynamics and economic status'. Via the internet, we rallied when one had a tough day at treatment, gave advice for mouth sores and nausea and cried.....REALLY hard when a sister lost her struggle and valiant fight.....and it still hurts.
And you know what else hurts?? The fact that more people than I will ever know have lost everything because despite having insurance-they had to chose between medicine, gas, house or car payment. Fair? Not so much. These women are not complainers, they don't go on face book whining about a cold or asking for pity when the gas prices go up -AGAIN. You would not know they were suffering at all-until you bring up the fact that "OBAMA CARE" is being threatened to be repealed. That the very thing that brings us any HOPE is likely to be cut by people that have never endured. By people that have never had to decide between heat or nausea medicine or food over a car payment.
I personally will have two mortgages for most of the remainder of our marriage because I am a SURVIVOR. I am not complaining nor am I holding a grudge-actually I am thankful to be ALIVE and have an AMAZING husband that pays it without question. Holocaust and breast cancer survivors....we are STRONG, we will endure. Could you say that you would be as strong-if you were in our shoes?
My nightmare started in August of 2006-my own little holocaust. I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. It seemed like each week brought more "not so good" news. But I endured. My precious husband and children got me through the 14 months of treatment and 7 weeks of radiation. To my surprise, I had "cell mates" in my Hell too. They came in the form of other breast cancer patients. We all came from different back grounds, family dynamics and economic status'. Via the internet, we rallied when one had a tough day at treatment, gave advice for mouth sores and nausea and cried.....REALLY hard when a sister lost her struggle and valiant fight.....and it still hurts.
And you know what else hurts?? The fact that more people than I will ever know have lost everything because despite having insurance-they had to chose between medicine, gas, house or car payment. Fair? Not so much. These women are not complainers, they don't go on face book whining about a cold or asking for pity when the gas prices go up -AGAIN. You would not know they were suffering at all-until you bring up the fact that "OBAMA CARE" is being threatened to be repealed. That the very thing that brings us any HOPE is likely to be cut by people that have never endured. By people that have never had to decide between heat or nausea medicine or food over a car payment.
I personally will have two mortgages for most of the remainder of our marriage because I am a SURVIVOR. I am not complaining nor am I holding a grudge-actually I am thankful to be ALIVE and have an AMAZING husband that pays it without question. Holocaust and breast cancer survivors....we are STRONG, we will endure. Could you say that you would be as strong-if you were in our shoes?
Monday, October 18, 2010
A New Beginning
Today I am 18 days out of weight loss surgery. On Oct. 1, during a 9 hour operation I was "switched"-had the "Duodenal Switch" procedure.
It's been far from easy, in fact my dear friend Amy, who had the same surgery about 2 years ago, tried telling me just how hard it was going to be. I'm a tough bird-have had several major operations and endured 14 months of chemotherapy for breast cancer....nothing no NOTHING compared to this and if you ask me-YES, I'd do it again-in a few months. But thank goodness I won't need too!!
I've lost 33 lbs. so far and LOTS of inches. It seems like I look in the mirror and the word HEALTH blinks at me like a marquee.
I still have two large incisions on my belly which had a total of 44 staples closing it shut. I 'm still in some pain or maybe discomfort is more like it. I look down on my ever shrinking belly and smile hoping the best is just beginning!!
It's been far from easy, in fact my dear friend Amy, who had the same surgery about 2 years ago, tried telling me just how hard it was going to be. I'm a tough bird-have had several major operations and endured 14 months of chemotherapy for breast cancer....nothing no NOTHING compared to this and if you ask me-YES, I'd do it again-in a few months. But thank goodness I won't need too!!
I've lost 33 lbs. so far and LOTS of inches. It seems like I look in the mirror and the word HEALTH blinks at me like a marquee.
I still have two large incisions on my belly which had a total of 44 staples closing it shut. I 'm still in some pain or maybe discomfort is more like it. I look down on my ever shrinking belly and smile hoping the best is just beginning!!
Friday, October 8, 2010
And The Little Ones Shall Conquor....
Our little grand daughter-Erin Vienna, EV, Rinna-she goes by any name, is now 10 months old. She had the toughest first 5 months-she was soooo tiny-maybe someday my heart will stop skipping beats long enough for me to put it to words but it's still too emotional right now.
Her mother and I would sit up late nights during her feedings and talk to her, encourage her and her Momma would say "I'm so proud of you, you're sooo tough". I would say "I'm so proud of you".
EV has broken every rule for a tiny little thing...she has TUDE, she has MOXY.
Erin Vienna went RUNNING through my living room last week. Some baby's learn to walk...EV learned to RUN at 9-1/2 months. Just like her momma did 20 years ago....Some things are as it should be.
Her mother and I would sit up late nights during her feedings and talk to her, encourage her and her Momma would say "I'm so proud of you, you're sooo tough". I would say "I'm so proud of you".
EV has broken every rule for a tiny little thing...she has TUDE, she has MOXY.
Erin Vienna went RUNNING through my living room last week. Some baby's learn to walk...EV learned to RUN at 9-1/2 months. Just like her momma did 20 years ago....Some things are as it should be.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Ya, It's never too late.....
Hmmmmm So it's Sat. night and I'm home....and in no pain. I have not had any procedure.
We got up at 1:00 AM to drive 4 hours to have my weight loss surgery-got there in time, 5:30 AM. So they call me back, get me hooked up to monitors, take my final pee, she was just about to put in the I.V. when the surgeon walks in with his assistant-he sees a "rash" under my belly button and says "you have a fungal infection", yes, I get it every year when the weather changes, I tell him. He can't operate. And they walk out. The nurse brings in a script and in 5 minutes we're out the door.....gone. It seems I am NOT destined to have this damn surgery or HEALTH-the reason for the surgery. This surgeon is sooooo full, you wait months to get into him. I'm doomed. I even suggested one of his colleges whom are very capable.
I take the meds. and by day 2-I can tell it's changing. On Thursday (the day after my original date) the scheduler calls and I already have a new date-Tues. Sept. 28. Wahooo ya, all excited!! But this thing on my stomach is NOT going away completely. So by Saturday, I call out the big guns-in the form of BLEACH! Ya, fungus-bleach they go together right?? We shall see. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be back here in the same spot next Saturday night.....in no discomfort, having had no surgery UHGGG.
It's VERY disheartening to me that all these obstacles are in the way. I know that there are reasons and for everything there is a season but I can't help but wonder why???
Well, until I post again-Here's to talking like a (bewildered) Northerner.
p.s. my surgeon said I probably got the fungus from a gym....so watch out where ya lay your towels and clothes, ewwwww
We got up at 1:00 AM to drive 4 hours to have my weight loss surgery-got there in time, 5:30 AM. So they call me back, get me hooked up to monitors, take my final pee, she was just about to put in the I.V. when the surgeon walks in with his assistant-he sees a "rash" under my belly button and says "you have a fungal infection", yes, I get it every year when the weather changes, I tell him. He can't operate. And they walk out. The nurse brings in a script and in 5 minutes we're out the door.....gone. It seems I am NOT destined to have this damn surgery or HEALTH-the reason for the surgery. This surgeon is sooooo full, you wait months to get into him. I'm doomed. I even suggested one of his colleges whom are very capable.
I take the meds. and by day 2-I can tell it's changing. On Thursday (the day after my original date) the scheduler calls and I already have a new date-Tues. Sept. 28. Wahooo ya, all excited!! But this thing on my stomach is NOT going away completely. So by Saturday, I call out the big guns-in the form of BLEACH! Ya, fungus-bleach they go together right?? We shall see. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be back here in the same spot next Saturday night.....in no discomfort, having had no surgery UHGGG.
It's VERY disheartening to me that all these obstacles are in the way. I know that there are reasons and for everything there is a season but I can't help but wonder why???
Well, until I post again-Here's to talking like a (bewildered) Northerner.
p.s. my surgeon said I probably got the fungus from a gym....so watch out where ya lay your towels and clothes, ewwwww
Monday, September 20, 2010
"It is never to late to be what you might have been." -George Elliot
So it's two days before the "BIG" day-the day my life changes forever and I hope in a positive way only!
I've had sooo many operations and so I'm not sure why I still get nervous but I do...
I should find out today what time we need to be at the hospital. We live 3-4 hours away from the hospital so we'll get up very early and venture south.
They say that you should have goals set for yourself for after surgery-I don't. They say you need to have those to look forward to but for some reason, God just decided to give me peace about it and I do. Except for a few nerves. I also think that part of the peace that Gods given me is in the form of Effexor. I started taking that for anxiety attacks that I was having on the way to chemo...I will NEVER go off them!! I don't care that I am "numb" or whatever people call it, to emotions. I am able to live a basically anxiety free life while still having evil around me trying to corrupt my wonderful little world-Effexor is the armor that allows me to kick ass to those that are crap!
I've had sooo many operations and so I'm not sure why I still get nervous but I do...
I should find out today what time we need to be at the hospital. We live 3-4 hours away from the hospital so we'll get up very early and venture south.
They say that you should have goals set for yourself for after surgery-I don't. They say you need to have those to look forward to but for some reason, God just decided to give me peace about it and I do. Except for a few nerves. I also think that part of the peace that Gods given me is in the form of Effexor. I started taking that for anxiety attacks that I was having on the way to chemo...I will NEVER go off them!! I don't care that I am "numb" or whatever people call it, to emotions. I am able to live a basically anxiety free life while still having evil around me trying to corrupt my wonderful little world-Effexor is the armor that allows me to kick ass to those that are crap!
So maybe I do have a couple goals....being able to sit and gracefully cross my leg without looking like there is a tree trunck in my lap, well and to actually have a lap would be nice as well! The other is to wear knee high boots and have them look nice (ok and a bit sexy wouldn't hurt). My main goal is HEALTH. Did you get that point HEALTH. I have been to hell and back thanks to cancer-I've looked death in the face a few times put my hand up and said
I am in control of this life and body....I will be what I was meant to be.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Then there were two......
Grands that is!! The freshman year experience for our girls was...um.....exciting to say the least! College was something every high school senior looks forward to right-then why is Dr. Laura's voice in my head saying "you should have made them wear chastity belts"....
Alright since I had breast cancer my onco told me that as it was hormone fed, I needed to lose the ovaries. That was fine except I had always had a fear that one or both of our girls would be baron and I'm serious here, I'd need to carry a baby for them. It obviously wasn't the case for Ashleigh, but we still had another daughter. But Lloyd my onco won out. I was to have a complete hysto. removing both ovaries and the womb in March 09. In April 09 I was home resting and I get a call from our youngest daughter-crying and calling from a gas station that was apparently the local hang out. She was expecting and due around Christmas.....if your calculating, she was about 3 weeks pregnant....it was a LLLOOONNNGGG nine months!
So the first week of Dec....Carleigh labored pretty much for two weeks. On Dec. 4 we trekked to the hospital and she was a trooper...only this time, I encouraged pain meds. She spend most of the 6 hours that she was in labor in and out of the tub. And she rocked, naked in a rocker. It was actually quite funny. I was also much less nervous than I was when our first daughter was in labor. I'm not sure why but it was all a very relaxed and enjoyable labor-for us, maybe not for Carleigh....lol but she was a trooper! She had sooooo much control over her pain, we were all amazed as she was NOT the kind that endured pain well!! And when it came time for pain meds. she had an epi-dural at 2:15 and Erin decided at 2:45 to make her appearance. And just three pushes later, with the Doctor barely making it there-Erin Vienna was here!! She was the most beautiful baby. No cone head, not a mark on her-only beautiful porcelain skin and a set of lungs like her mom! I never got to deliver Erin, but it was special and amazing just the same. It went to fast, I never got the chance to take pics of the actual delivery like I'd wanted, but that's alright.
Erin is the sweetest and prettiest little thing. She is an extension of me, just as our girls and Carter are. Life is so special. I know that God sent Erin to tell me that I need to take care of my own needs. That not everything is to be in my time but in his and above all that life was going to be an amazing journey for me and my family.....just look at Erin and you'll see why. <3
Alright since I had breast cancer my onco told me that as it was hormone fed, I needed to lose the ovaries. That was fine except I had always had a fear that one or both of our girls would be baron and I'm serious here, I'd need to carry a baby for them. It obviously wasn't the case for Ashleigh, but we still had another daughter. But Lloyd my onco won out. I was to have a complete hysto. removing both ovaries and the womb in March 09. In April 09 I was home resting and I get a call from our youngest daughter-crying and calling from a gas station that was apparently the local hang out. She was expecting and due around Christmas.....if your calculating, she was about 3 weeks pregnant....it was a LLLOOONNNGGG nine months!
So the first week of Dec....Carleigh labored pretty much for two weeks. On Dec. 4 we trekked to the hospital and she was a trooper...only this time, I encouraged pain meds. She spend most of the 6 hours that she was in labor in and out of the tub. And she rocked, naked in a rocker. It was actually quite funny. I was also much less nervous than I was when our first daughter was in labor. I'm not sure why but it was all a very relaxed and enjoyable labor-for us, maybe not for Carleigh....lol but she was a trooper! She had sooooo much control over her pain, we were all amazed as she was NOT the kind that endured pain well!! And when it came time for pain meds. she had an epi-dural at 2:15 and Erin decided at 2:45 to make her appearance. And just three pushes later, with the Doctor barely making it there-Erin Vienna was here!! She was the most beautiful baby. No cone head, not a mark on her-only beautiful porcelain skin and a set of lungs like her mom! I never got to deliver Erin, but it was special and amazing just the same. It went to fast, I never got the chance to take pics of the actual delivery like I'd wanted, but that's alright.
Erin is the sweetest and prettiest little thing. She is an extension of me, just as our girls and Carter are. Life is so special. I know that God sent Erin to tell me that I need to take care of my own needs. That not everything is to be in my time but in his and above all that life was going to be an amazing journey for me and my family.....just look at Erin and you'll see why. <3
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Nan's cup over flows....
I love being a Nana and I'm really glad that I'm pretty young to be a gram as well.
When I was a mom at just 18 I know that it was frowned upon by many and even scrutinized by some (whatever martha!!) but it is what it is. I was 24 when our 2nd daughter decided to come along pretty much on her own. I was 5 months along when I found out she was in there and SCARED to death to tell Paul-he told me one was enough and I said ok.....until there were two.
So more along the lines of being a Nan- 4 years ago (nearly to the day) we were still learning to live with and digesting the news that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were thrown as a family into the unfamiliar world of doctors, hospitals, surgeries and c c c the C word.
On the evening that we found out that our first grandchild was en route, it was like someone breathed air into our lungs and face. Finally, we had something else to consume our thoughts with besides the ugly c word.
So as I went through chemo, Ashleigh progressed through pregnancy. We soon discovered that some of the same nasty side effects visited us both and we had a chuckle about that.
I'm luckier than most women and MEN that are diagnosed with bc in that on the anniversary of my diagnosis, I have something positive to remember-Carter James King was on his way.
So for about 6 months we watched our daughters body morph into a woman and mother. Who was this young lady that would visit on the weekends or come to take care of her sickly mother during the week if her dad had to work late. I marveled at the fact that she didn't really look pregnant but that strong heartbeat was there every month as Paul and I accompanied her nearly every month to her pre-natal visits. FINALLY at about 33, 34 weeks she visited us and she had popped....she was soon to be a mother.
A few weeks later, as she approached 10 centimeters I watched in awe as our first baby struggled through those final contraction unmedicated. We encouraged and cheered her on then the doctor quietly said "push this baby into his grandmas arms" as she slipped my hands into position. I held our grand son and kissed him as we waited for our daughters heart beat to stop pulsing through his cord and life around me grew dim as it was just he and I for a time......finally-I handed our daughter her baby for the first time. And I knew life was as it should be...and I'd be around for a long long time to tell him about the time when life finally went our way.....
When I was a mom at just 18 I know that it was frowned upon by many and even scrutinized by some (whatever martha!!) but it is what it is. I was 24 when our 2nd daughter decided to come along pretty much on her own. I was 5 months along when I found out she was in there and SCARED to death to tell Paul-he told me one was enough and I said ok.....until there were two.
So more along the lines of being a Nan- 4 years ago (nearly to the day) we were still learning to live with and digesting the news that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were thrown as a family into the unfamiliar world of doctors, hospitals, surgeries and c c c the C word.
On the evening that we found out that our first grandchild was en route, it was like someone breathed air into our lungs and face. Finally, we had something else to consume our thoughts with besides the ugly c word.
So as I went through chemo, Ashleigh progressed through pregnancy. We soon discovered that some of the same nasty side effects visited us both and we had a chuckle about that.
I'm luckier than most women and MEN that are diagnosed with bc in that on the anniversary of my diagnosis, I have something positive to remember-Carter James King was on his way.
So for about 6 months we watched our daughters body morph into a woman and mother. Who was this young lady that would visit on the weekends or come to take care of her sickly mother during the week if her dad had to work late. I marveled at the fact that she didn't really look pregnant but that strong heartbeat was there every month as Paul and I accompanied her nearly every month to her pre-natal visits. FINALLY at about 33, 34 weeks she visited us and she had popped....she was soon to be a mother.
A few weeks later, as she approached 10 centimeters I watched in awe as our first baby struggled through those final contraction unmedicated. We encouraged and cheered her on then the doctor quietly said "push this baby into his grandmas arms" as she slipped my hands into position. I held our grand son and kissed him as we waited for our daughters heart beat to stop pulsing through his cord and life around me grew dim as it was just he and I for a time......finally-I handed our daughter her baby for the first time. And I knew life was as it should be...and I'd be around for a long long time to tell him about the time when life finally went our way.....
Saturday, September 11, 2010
9 1 1
Numbers....and usually in everyday use they mean nothing. But every year on this day, and the days leading up to this day, they begin to mean something. Five days ago they mean another year is gone since that day. Four days ago they mean a quiet moment and a tear shed. Three days ago it means remember to get the flag out, take note-iron and make sure pole is painted pretty. Two days ago more memories as the newspapers and internet begin to fill with stories and pictures. One day ago-that funny empty feeling in the pit of my tummy. I pause several times through out the day and a memory actually takes my breath away.
This morning, 9 1 1. I wake up. Instantly I look at the clock and it brings me back. I was lying on the couch. Another cold has taken up my head. Need to buy more kleenex and make sure it's the one with lotion. I just hate having to miss work -wait-special news report, my heart ALWAYS skips a beat when this-OH MY did he just say WHAT-did I really just see a plane-omgosh, that plane, it just hit into that-OH MY.....Charles Gibson is speechless, I am speechless. Fire-can we get a closer picture, I hear. They say two planes hit, more flames and smoke and now they're talking about the Pentagon, the Washington one-fire smoke and people running.
I call Paul who is at work, he is with the Federal Inspectors doing a plant walk through-he answers and I tell him that we are being bombarded-that the world is going crazy. I'm so shook up, I can barely talk or get a sentence straight. He tells the inspectors the news and they call in to work. It turns out that they were being paged and called like crazy but the telephone lines were jammed and couldn't get through to them-they are told to return to the office immediately. The government was on lock down and all employees were to be present and accounted for at once.
I then call my dad. He answers in a groggy voice and I tell him, wake up Dad, we are being torn apart-someone is trying to hurt us and through the tears and silence he and I watch tv together separately in our own living rooms. I keep my eyes on the sky at the same time. I notice that there are several cars pulled over along my busy street-are they watching the sky too? I say goodbye to my dad as I need to have my girls with me....need to have them safe with me, in my arms where I can feel their breath and their movements and know they are safe. I call the school office and again, I can barely speak, I try to tell the secretary the words and she said ok, we've heard, we are aware and the principle feels that they are safe here. We're safe. They will be ok. She assures me that it's best to keep them here and in the routine they are in. I go along but my heart breaks, I want my babies near me.
I go back to the tv. In a matter of moments the two towers are gone. So too is my secure little wonderful life.
That morning before I got out of bed, as I replay the day before me, would I have done anything different had I known? If I'd known that those would be the last secure and safe hours as I knew them.
Numbers. Now they mean numbers that died.....numbers of people in the plane that went down in Pennsylvania. Numbers of hero's that picked body parts out of the spots in New York and Pennsylvania. Numbers that have since died in a war that I don't believe in but was as a result of this day.
9 1 1-today they mean peace to me and a pledge that I will do my very best to bring peace in my own way, everyday not only on this day.
This morning, 9 1 1. I wake up. Instantly I look at the clock and it brings me back. I was lying on the couch. Another cold has taken up my head. Need to buy more kleenex and make sure it's the one with lotion. I just hate having to miss work -wait-special news report, my heart ALWAYS skips a beat when this-OH MY did he just say WHAT-did I really just see a plane-omgosh, that plane, it just hit into that-OH MY.....Charles Gibson is speechless, I am speechless. Fire-can we get a closer picture, I hear. They say two planes hit, more flames and smoke and now they're talking about the Pentagon, the Washington one-fire smoke and people running.
I call Paul who is at work, he is with the Federal Inspectors doing a plant walk through-he answers and I tell him that we are being bombarded-that the world is going crazy. I'm so shook up, I can barely talk or get a sentence straight. He tells the inspectors the news and they call in to work. It turns out that they were being paged and called like crazy but the telephone lines were jammed and couldn't get through to them-they are told to return to the office immediately. The government was on lock down and all employees were to be present and accounted for at once.
I then call my dad. He answers in a groggy voice and I tell him, wake up Dad, we are being torn apart-someone is trying to hurt us and through the tears and silence he and I watch tv together separately in our own living rooms. I keep my eyes on the sky at the same time. I notice that there are several cars pulled over along my busy street-are they watching the sky too? I say goodbye to my dad as I need to have my girls with me....need to have them safe with me, in my arms where I can feel their breath and their movements and know they are safe. I call the school office and again, I can barely speak, I try to tell the secretary the words and she said ok, we've heard, we are aware and the principle feels that they are safe here. We're safe. They will be ok. She assures me that it's best to keep them here and in the routine they are in. I go along but my heart breaks, I want my babies near me.
I go back to the tv. In a matter of moments the two towers are gone. So too is my secure little wonderful life.
That morning before I got out of bed, as I replay the day before me, would I have done anything different had I known? If I'd known that those would be the last secure and safe hours as I knew them.
Numbers. Now they mean numbers that died.....numbers of people in the plane that went down in Pennsylvania. Numbers of hero's that picked body parts out of the spots in New York and Pennsylvania. Numbers that have since died in a war that I don't believe in but was as a result of this day.
9 1 1-today they mean peace to me and a pledge that I will do my very best to bring peace in my own way, everyday not only on this day.
May God continue to Bless America
Monday, September 6, 2010
Dieting-pre-op style
So in order for me to have the DS procedure, my surgeon is requiring me to lose 15 lbs......in 3 weeks. It was supposed to be 2 weeks but I started early, and thank goodness I did too because I am going to need the additional week.
I had a pre-op visit with a nutritionist last week (she was a stinkin 99 lb. beauty queen that obviously has no babies-YET) and she suggested perhaps changing my surg. date to give me more time to lose....um HELL NO. It's taken me 4 years to be healthy enough to get to this point ok Barbie-this broad's NOT moving that date! So I mention that I may try diet pills-her response, "those are not healthy" ok and losing 15 lbs. in 2 weeks is???
So apparently when you stop eating carbs. and all the other crap that is in food now a days, your body goes through a kind of withdrawal and I mean it....even my thinking is affected. I'm feeling like I have chemo-brain again and forgetting words, names and simple everyday things. I'm thinking that I'm getting a feeling of what an early age Alzheimer patient feels like.....crazy!! Not to mention a KILLER head ache since like diet day #2 uggg. The sunny disposition that I normally have.....mmm is GONE. Susy Sunshine has left the friggin building! This BETTER all be worth it....if I get to that hospital on Sept. 22 and have only lost 14 lbs....I'm gonna blow up!! Take away my food baby and it better have a good outcome in the end!!
This would be an ideal outcome.....
I'm thinking it will be.....:)
That my friends....is how a Northerner Talks!
I had a pre-op visit with a nutritionist last week (she was a stinkin 99 lb. beauty queen that obviously has no babies-YET) and she suggested perhaps changing my surg. date to give me more time to lose....um HELL NO. It's taken me 4 years to be healthy enough to get to this point ok Barbie-this broad's NOT moving that date! So I mention that I may try diet pills-her response, "those are not healthy" ok and losing 15 lbs. in 2 weeks is???
So apparently when you stop eating carbs. and all the other crap that is in food now a days, your body goes through a kind of withdrawal and I mean it....even my thinking is affected. I'm feeling like I have chemo-brain again and forgetting words, names and simple everyday things. I'm thinking that I'm getting a feeling of what an early age Alzheimer patient feels like.....crazy!! Not to mention a KILLER head ache since like diet day #2 uggg. The sunny disposition that I normally have.....mmm is GONE. Susy Sunshine has left the friggin building! This BETTER all be worth it....if I get to that hospital on Sept. 22 and have only lost 14 lbs....I'm gonna blow up!! Take away my food baby and it better have a good outcome in the end!!
This would be an ideal outcome.....
or.....
I'm thinking it will be.....:)
That my friends....is how a Northerner Talks!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Why I chose the in-laws I chose.....
Picture this Sicily, 1945, ok maybe not. It was really Mt. Iron, Minnesota 1986 and I was waltzing with my dad, you know that Father/Daughter dance that makes everyone tear up. Well about the second time around I hear this "Don't worry, you'll always be our number one daughter in law". Good thing my dad was nearly deaf because it would have hurt his heart beyond belief. I on the other hand decided that night that it was friggin "game on"!!
I was marrying someone from across the tracks that was apparently destined since conception to do great things in life and have a wonderful family with integrity and poise and well......he fell in love with me instead. HA HA
So we've been married for 24 years...TAKE THAT Mommy and Daddy dearest!!
Next year we hear that there is a nice celebration being planned for us by a few of our closest and "imperfect" children and friends. I've seen the guest list and it seems there are no mommy and daddy on it....it'll be too dry (ya know, only 2, 3 kegs a few jugs of whiskey, vodka and other tasties) late for them to stay up. It'll be fun, it'll be relaxing and it'll be REAL.
Here's to Talking Like a Loser Northerner and to Keeping It Real....
I was marrying someone from across the tracks that was apparently destined since conception to do great things in life and have a wonderful family with integrity and poise and well......he fell in love with me instead. HA HA
So we've been married for 24 years...TAKE THAT Mommy and Daddy dearest!!
Next year we hear that there is a nice celebration being planned for us by a few of our closest and "imperfect" children and friends. I've seen the guest list and it seems there are no mommy and daddy on it....it'll be too dry (ya know, only 2, 3 kegs a few jugs of whiskey, vodka and other tasties) late for them to stay up. It'll be fun, it'll be relaxing and it'll be REAL.
Here's to Talking Like a Loser Northerner and to Keeping It Real....
Saturday, August 28, 2010
It's a Hospital Vacation For Me!!!
I can't believe it but was approved in about 2 hours!! Yay Will update more later-am tired and crabby. Nightall!!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Vacations....
Ok, I admit-I LOVE to get away. But I feel like I deserve them and here's why.....
I live in a house with 4 adults and 2 children.....I'm the only one presently that cleans or gives a crappola that it's clean!
I am married to an amazing guy!
I am a full time student pursuing a TOUGH major and it will make me great money when I'm done!
I'm married to a wonderful guy!
I do a lot of charity work and most of the time it's out of the kindness of my heart!
I'm married to a nice guy!
I'm a TOTALLY dedicated WIFE, MOM and Nana!
I'm married to a sweet guy!
So, I take these little vaca's a couple of times a year...when I can and around everyone else's schedules.
Lately tho, my 54 year old hubby has been going through a pretty expensive change of life thing. Last fall when I took a little breaky, I came back to see a brochure of a brand new CAMO 4-wheeler. The biggest that Arctic Cat makes...why does this matter you ask...
Because he HAD to have it
This past spring our daughter and I went to Georgia to visit friends for a few days. Upon arriving home I found Paul waiting at the door, car key's in hand saying "let's take a little ride" to get this....
So we are now Harley owners...I don't really enjoy it, but do what I must to be a doting wife (insert Dr. Laura cackle here!) and I do ride along. smirk smirk
Ok, so I do enjoy it but don't tell him! Oh and BTW our friend that we were riding with that night took this pic, isn't it beautiful? It's taken down in Duluth riding the North Shore and it rained just a bit, thus the awesome rainbow. Isn't that what captures your attention in this pic? Well our good friend KRIS, who just happens to YELL out on FB..."I DIDN'T NOTICE THE RAINBOW, THOUGHT THE PIC WAS ABOUT RONDA'S RING!!! LOL No Kris.....natures candy NOT finger candy!!
Ok, getting back to business, um where were we, vacations. So I'm planning another little jaunt in Sept. and I'm scared to death that Pauls little mid life crisis will strike again.....what else can he buy you might ask?
Best be along these lines babe....and I know you read this blog!! And for all you non Northern talking folks...Here's learning to :)
P.S-I figure I'll be ordering my own Harley in about a year...wasn't cut out to be the b#tch in the back!
Monday, August 16, 2010
My Vices....
I have vices and it's not really food. They are satellite radio personalities and Most of the Bravo Housewives.
I call into the radio personalities on a regular basis (ya I know....too much time on my hands) I love call "Mary O"-she's a psychic intuitive and she's ALWAYS right!! Seriously!!
The first time I called her it was because I was going to have a biopsy and scared to flippin death....she said "you're gonna be fine sweetheart". 2nd time was to see if our home in Virginia was haunted as our kids said it was or if they were just early crack users....I ate crow. Mary said that there were children playing in that house (did I lose ya here) and that the room that was ALWAYS cold (we swore someone had died in that room!) was where the children were sent when they were naughty. AND Mary O. described that room right down to the stinking window cover colors!! I know, it's sacrilegious, but I'm hooked!!
Then there is Rosie Odonell and her crew......laugh for two hours straight!! No, I'm not coming out of the closet here but she and I think along the same lines. She says what she thinks and offers no apologies....as does rOndA. You all know my motto "if it's worth using the air, make it the truth"!
And I HAVE to listen to Dr. Laura ream people out simply for DARING to say a thing against your man!! If your man gets drunk and beats the living tar out of you....put up with it and stop whining!! She is her children's mother and her husbands wife....bitch!!
Those housewives of New York and New Jersey just make life worth living for me!! They live like I want to live...taking trips, buying any darn thing you want and living in lavish homes....never mind that your hubby is bi-sexual, filed bankruptcy and losing their homes or have obvious mental health issues! There are times I shake my friggin head and say WTH just happened? And on national tv....WOW-I LOVE it!! Makes my life seem AMAZING!!
But my reality tv daily-"the View". My girls....Joy and Sherry discussing the days topics and then wait for that snatchy Elizabeth to jump down their throats with her "my life is perfect so I can judge you bitch" attitude! But Whoopie ALWAYS saves the day in her motherly ways and wisdom of life.....she is one of my heros!!
Well folks, remember to saver a little bit of today and U-Betcha-talk like a northerner
I call into the radio personalities on a regular basis (ya I know....too much time on my hands) I love call "Mary O"-she's a psychic intuitive and she's ALWAYS right!! Seriously!!
The first time I called her it was because I was going to have a biopsy and scared to flippin death....she said "you're gonna be fine sweetheart". 2nd time was to see if our home in Virginia was haunted as our kids said it was or if they were just early crack users....I ate crow. Mary said that there were children playing in that house (did I lose ya here) and that the room that was ALWAYS cold (we swore someone had died in that room!) was where the children were sent when they were naughty. AND Mary O. described that room right down to the stinking window cover colors!! I know, it's sacrilegious, but I'm hooked!!
Then there is Rosie Odonell and her crew......laugh for two hours straight!! No, I'm not coming out of the closet here but she and I think along the same lines. She says what she thinks and offers no apologies....as does rOndA. You all know my motto "if it's worth using the air, make it the truth"!
And I HAVE to listen to Dr. Laura ream people out simply for DARING to say a thing against your man!! If your man gets drunk and beats the living tar out of you....put up with it and stop whining!! She is her children's mother and her husbands wife....bitch!!
Those housewives of New York and New Jersey just make life worth living for me!! They live like I want to live...taking trips, buying any darn thing you want and living in lavish homes....never mind that your hubby is bi-sexual, filed bankruptcy and losing their homes or have obvious mental health issues! There are times I shake my friggin head and say WTH just happened? And on national tv....WOW-I LOVE it!! Makes my life seem AMAZING!!
But my reality tv daily-"the View". My girls....Joy and Sherry discussing the days topics and then wait for that snatchy Elizabeth to jump down their throats with her "my life is perfect so I can judge you bitch" attitude! But Whoopie ALWAYS saves the day in her motherly ways and wisdom of life.....she is one of my heros!!
Well folks, remember to saver a little bit of today and U-Betcha-talk like a northerner
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Summer has returned to Minnesota!!
It's a balmy 64 and windy....as it should be up here.
I'm not sure what mom nature was thinking but we CAN'T handle upper 80's and 90's! Our body's are not equipped to deal with such! We have several extra layers of fat under our skin (unlike mywealthy, gentile southern friends) which allows us to keep toasty from Oct. to June when we have snow/cold! Then July and August the temps. generally shoot up to the 60's and we FINALLY get that summer we've been reaming about. I'm actually hoping to shed some of those layers soon tho...HEY, maybe we can move in with one of our rich wonderful, republican southern friends as I won't be able to handle these -50's anymore!!! We can eat caviar and shrimp and go to cocktail parties every weekend...it'll be a "swell" time with the damn southern folk!! lol
You know I love you all!!! <3
As always...Take a Little Time to enjoy the Littlepeople things in life, and Talk Like a Northerner.....
I'm not sure what mom nature was thinking but we CAN'T handle upper 80's and 90's! Our body's are not equipped to deal with such! We have several extra layers of fat under our skin (unlike my
You know I love you all!!! <3
As always...Take a Little Time to enjoy the Little
Thursday, August 12, 2010
It's Time.....
Ive been thinking recently about starting a blog as it's supposed to be a great outlet for that which my mind gets carried away with! So....it's time!! It's time to reveal that I'm pursuing bariatric surgery, specifically a procedure called the "Duodenal Switch". It's a procedure that's not for the light of heart or body!!
When I had originally went into my bariatric surgeon 4 1/2 years ago it was with the intent that I'd have either the "rny" procedure or the "lap band" placed. Because I'm very challenged in the height area and carry a majority of my weight in my mid-section-Dr. Ikk (or Sayeed, I call him, whom I might add is from India and a VERY smart fella) said that I'd benefit from the D.S. or duodenal switch because in folks with the above "issues" research has shown that the long term success is better with the ds.
I've had friends that have had both the rny, lap band as well as the ds and they've ALL benefited from their respective procedures and I want this to be VERY CLEAR....I believe that if you believe in your procedure...(which EVER it is) it IS the choice for you!! Let me say this once more....You chose the procedure that fits you, your lifestyle and your body!
I have been sooo amazed and utterly fascinated watching these friends morphed into healthy, happy, fresh,... HEALTHY women. It brings tears to my eyes to think about. My friends mean the world to me and to witness this is magical...
...now all we will need to pray for is the insurance approval....ewwwwwww
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