Hmmmmm So it's Sat. night and I'm home....and in no pain. I have not had any procedure.
We got up at 1:00 AM to drive 4 hours to have my weight loss surgery-got there in time, 5:30 AM. So they call me back, get me hooked up to monitors, take my final pee, she was just about to put in the I.V. when the surgeon walks in with his assistant-he sees a "rash" under my belly button and says "you have a fungal infection", yes, I get it every year when the weather changes, I tell him. He can't operate. And they walk out. The nurse brings in a script and in 5 minutes we're out the door.....gone. It seems I am NOT destined to have this damn surgery or HEALTH-the reason for the surgery. This surgeon is sooooo full, you wait months to get into him. I'm doomed. I even suggested one of his colleges whom are very capable.
I take the meds. and by day 2-I can tell it's changing. On Thursday (the day after my original date) the scheduler calls and I already have a new date-Tues. Sept. 28. Wahooo ya, all excited!! But this thing on my stomach is NOT going away completely. So by Saturday, I call out the big guns-in the form of BLEACH! Ya, fungus-bleach they go together right?? We shall see. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be back here in the same spot next Saturday night.....in no discomfort, having had no surgery UHGGG.
It's VERY disheartening to me that all these obstacles are in the way. I know that there are reasons and for everything there is a season but I can't help but wonder why???
Well, until I post again-Here's to talking like a (bewildered) Northerner.
p.s. my surgeon said I probably got the fungus from a gym....so watch out where ya lay your towels and clothes, ewwwww
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
"It is never to late to be what you might have been." -George Elliot
So it's two days before the "BIG" day-the day my life changes forever and I hope in a positive way only!
I've had sooo many operations and so I'm not sure why I still get nervous but I do...
I should find out today what time we need to be at the hospital. We live 3-4 hours away from the hospital so we'll get up very early and venture south.
They say that you should have goals set for yourself for after surgery-I don't. They say you need to have those to look forward to but for some reason, God just decided to give me peace about it and I do. Except for a few nerves. I also think that part of the peace that Gods given me is in the form of Effexor. I started taking that for anxiety attacks that I was having on the way to chemo...I will NEVER go off them!! I don't care that I am "numb" or whatever people call it, to emotions. I am able to live a basically anxiety free life while still having evil around me trying to corrupt my wonderful little world-Effexor is the armor that allows me to kick ass to those that are crap!
I've had sooo many operations and so I'm not sure why I still get nervous but I do...
I should find out today what time we need to be at the hospital. We live 3-4 hours away from the hospital so we'll get up very early and venture south.
They say that you should have goals set for yourself for after surgery-I don't. They say you need to have those to look forward to but for some reason, God just decided to give me peace about it and I do. Except for a few nerves. I also think that part of the peace that Gods given me is in the form of Effexor. I started taking that for anxiety attacks that I was having on the way to chemo...I will NEVER go off them!! I don't care that I am "numb" or whatever people call it, to emotions. I am able to live a basically anxiety free life while still having evil around me trying to corrupt my wonderful little world-Effexor is the armor that allows me to kick ass to those that are crap!
So maybe I do have a couple goals....being able to sit and gracefully cross my leg without looking like there is a tree trunck in my lap, well and to actually have a lap would be nice as well! The other is to wear knee high boots and have them look nice (ok and a bit sexy wouldn't hurt). My main goal is HEALTH. Did you get that point HEALTH. I have been to hell and back thanks to cancer-I've looked death in the face a few times put my hand up and said
I am in control of this life and body....I will be what I was meant to be.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Then there were two......
Grands that is!! The freshman year experience for our girls was...um.....exciting to say the least! College was something every high school senior looks forward to right-then why is Dr. Laura's voice in my head saying "you should have made them wear chastity belts"....
Alright since I had breast cancer my onco told me that as it was hormone fed, I needed to lose the ovaries. That was fine except I had always had a fear that one or both of our girls would be baron and I'm serious here, I'd need to carry a baby for them. It obviously wasn't the case for Ashleigh, but we still had another daughter. But Lloyd my onco won out. I was to have a complete hysto. removing both ovaries and the womb in March 09. In April 09 I was home resting and I get a call from our youngest daughter-crying and calling from a gas station that was apparently the local hang out. She was expecting and due around Christmas.....if your calculating, she was about 3 weeks pregnant....it was a LLLOOONNNGGG nine months!
So the first week of Dec....Carleigh labored pretty much for two weeks. On Dec. 4 we trekked to the hospital and she was a trooper...only this time, I encouraged pain meds. She spend most of the 6 hours that she was in labor in and out of the tub. And she rocked, naked in a rocker. It was actually quite funny. I was also much less nervous than I was when our first daughter was in labor. I'm not sure why but it was all a very relaxed and enjoyable labor-for us, maybe not for Carleigh....lol but she was a trooper! She had sooooo much control over her pain, we were all amazed as she was NOT the kind that endured pain well!! And when it came time for pain meds. she had an epi-dural at 2:15 and Erin decided at 2:45 to make her appearance. And just three pushes later, with the Doctor barely making it there-Erin Vienna was here!! She was the most beautiful baby. No cone head, not a mark on her-only beautiful porcelain skin and a set of lungs like her mom! I never got to deliver Erin, but it was special and amazing just the same. It went to fast, I never got the chance to take pics of the actual delivery like I'd wanted, but that's alright.
Erin is the sweetest and prettiest little thing. She is an extension of me, just as our girls and Carter are. Life is so special. I know that God sent Erin to tell me that I need to take care of my own needs. That not everything is to be in my time but in his and above all that life was going to be an amazing journey for me and my family.....just look at Erin and you'll see why. <3
Alright since I had breast cancer my onco told me that as it was hormone fed, I needed to lose the ovaries. That was fine except I had always had a fear that one or both of our girls would be baron and I'm serious here, I'd need to carry a baby for them. It obviously wasn't the case for Ashleigh, but we still had another daughter. But Lloyd my onco won out. I was to have a complete hysto. removing both ovaries and the womb in March 09. In April 09 I was home resting and I get a call from our youngest daughter-crying and calling from a gas station that was apparently the local hang out. She was expecting and due around Christmas.....if your calculating, she was about 3 weeks pregnant....it was a LLLOOONNNGGG nine months!
So the first week of Dec....Carleigh labored pretty much for two weeks. On Dec. 4 we trekked to the hospital and she was a trooper...only this time, I encouraged pain meds. She spend most of the 6 hours that she was in labor in and out of the tub. And she rocked, naked in a rocker. It was actually quite funny. I was also much less nervous than I was when our first daughter was in labor. I'm not sure why but it was all a very relaxed and enjoyable labor-for us, maybe not for Carleigh....lol but she was a trooper! She had sooooo much control over her pain, we were all amazed as she was NOT the kind that endured pain well!! And when it came time for pain meds. she had an epi-dural at 2:15 and Erin decided at 2:45 to make her appearance. And just three pushes later, with the Doctor barely making it there-Erin Vienna was here!! She was the most beautiful baby. No cone head, not a mark on her-only beautiful porcelain skin and a set of lungs like her mom! I never got to deliver Erin, but it was special and amazing just the same. It went to fast, I never got the chance to take pics of the actual delivery like I'd wanted, but that's alright.
Erin is the sweetest and prettiest little thing. She is an extension of me, just as our girls and Carter are. Life is so special. I know that God sent Erin to tell me that I need to take care of my own needs. That not everything is to be in my time but in his and above all that life was going to be an amazing journey for me and my family.....just look at Erin and you'll see why. <3
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Nan's cup over flows....
I love being a Nana and I'm really glad that I'm pretty young to be a gram as well.
When I was a mom at just 18 I know that it was frowned upon by many and even scrutinized by some (whatever martha!!) but it is what it is. I was 24 when our 2nd daughter decided to come along pretty much on her own. I was 5 months along when I found out she was in there and SCARED to death to tell Paul-he told me one was enough and I said ok.....until there were two.
So more along the lines of being a Nan- 4 years ago (nearly to the day) we were still learning to live with and digesting the news that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were thrown as a family into the unfamiliar world of doctors, hospitals, surgeries and c c c the C word.
On the evening that we found out that our first grandchild was en route, it was like someone breathed air into our lungs and face. Finally, we had something else to consume our thoughts with besides the ugly c word.
So as I went through chemo, Ashleigh progressed through pregnancy. We soon discovered that some of the same nasty side effects visited us both and we had a chuckle about that.
I'm luckier than most women and MEN that are diagnosed with bc in that on the anniversary of my diagnosis, I have something positive to remember-Carter James King was on his way.
So for about 6 months we watched our daughters body morph into a woman and mother. Who was this young lady that would visit on the weekends or come to take care of her sickly mother during the week if her dad had to work late. I marveled at the fact that she didn't really look pregnant but that strong heartbeat was there every month as Paul and I accompanied her nearly every month to her pre-natal visits. FINALLY at about 33, 34 weeks she visited us and she had popped....she was soon to be a mother.
A few weeks later, as she approached 10 centimeters I watched in awe as our first baby struggled through those final contraction unmedicated. We encouraged and cheered her on then the doctor quietly said "push this baby into his grandmas arms" as she slipped my hands into position. I held our grand son and kissed him as we waited for our daughters heart beat to stop pulsing through his cord and life around me grew dim as it was just he and I for a time......finally-I handed our daughter her baby for the first time. And I knew life was as it should be...and I'd be around for a long long time to tell him about the time when life finally went our way.....
When I was a mom at just 18 I know that it was frowned upon by many and even scrutinized by some (whatever martha!!) but it is what it is. I was 24 when our 2nd daughter decided to come along pretty much on her own. I was 5 months along when I found out she was in there and SCARED to death to tell Paul-he told me one was enough and I said ok.....until there were two.
So more along the lines of being a Nan- 4 years ago (nearly to the day) we were still learning to live with and digesting the news that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were thrown as a family into the unfamiliar world of doctors, hospitals, surgeries and c c c the C word.
On the evening that we found out that our first grandchild was en route, it was like someone breathed air into our lungs and face. Finally, we had something else to consume our thoughts with besides the ugly c word.
So as I went through chemo, Ashleigh progressed through pregnancy. We soon discovered that some of the same nasty side effects visited us both and we had a chuckle about that.
I'm luckier than most women and MEN that are diagnosed with bc in that on the anniversary of my diagnosis, I have something positive to remember-Carter James King was on his way.
So for about 6 months we watched our daughters body morph into a woman and mother. Who was this young lady that would visit on the weekends or come to take care of her sickly mother during the week if her dad had to work late. I marveled at the fact that she didn't really look pregnant but that strong heartbeat was there every month as Paul and I accompanied her nearly every month to her pre-natal visits. FINALLY at about 33, 34 weeks she visited us and she had popped....she was soon to be a mother.
A few weeks later, as she approached 10 centimeters I watched in awe as our first baby struggled through those final contraction unmedicated. We encouraged and cheered her on then the doctor quietly said "push this baby into his grandmas arms" as she slipped my hands into position. I held our grand son and kissed him as we waited for our daughters heart beat to stop pulsing through his cord and life around me grew dim as it was just he and I for a time......finally-I handed our daughter her baby for the first time. And I knew life was as it should be...and I'd be around for a long long time to tell him about the time when life finally went our way.....
Saturday, September 11, 2010
9 1 1
Numbers....and usually in everyday use they mean nothing. But every year on this day, and the days leading up to this day, they begin to mean something. Five days ago they mean another year is gone since that day. Four days ago they mean a quiet moment and a tear shed. Three days ago it means remember to get the flag out, take note-iron and make sure pole is painted pretty. Two days ago more memories as the newspapers and internet begin to fill with stories and pictures. One day ago-that funny empty feeling in the pit of my tummy. I pause several times through out the day and a memory actually takes my breath away.
This morning, 9 1 1. I wake up. Instantly I look at the clock and it brings me back. I was lying on the couch. Another cold has taken up my head. Need to buy more kleenex and make sure it's the one with lotion. I just hate having to miss work -wait-special news report, my heart ALWAYS skips a beat when this-OH MY did he just say WHAT-did I really just see a plane-omgosh, that plane, it just hit into that-OH MY.....Charles Gibson is speechless, I am speechless. Fire-can we get a closer picture, I hear. They say two planes hit, more flames and smoke and now they're talking about the Pentagon, the Washington one-fire smoke and people running.
I call Paul who is at work, he is with the Federal Inspectors doing a plant walk through-he answers and I tell him that we are being bombarded-that the world is going crazy. I'm so shook up, I can barely talk or get a sentence straight. He tells the inspectors the news and they call in to work. It turns out that they were being paged and called like crazy but the telephone lines were jammed and couldn't get through to them-they are told to return to the office immediately. The government was on lock down and all employees were to be present and accounted for at once.
I then call my dad. He answers in a groggy voice and I tell him, wake up Dad, we are being torn apart-someone is trying to hurt us and through the tears and silence he and I watch tv together separately in our own living rooms. I keep my eyes on the sky at the same time. I notice that there are several cars pulled over along my busy street-are they watching the sky too? I say goodbye to my dad as I need to have my girls with me....need to have them safe with me, in my arms where I can feel their breath and their movements and know they are safe. I call the school office and again, I can barely speak, I try to tell the secretary the words and she said ok, we've heard, we are aware and the principle feels that they are safe here. We're safe. They will be ok. She assures me that it's best to keep them here and in the routine they are in. I go along but my heart breaks, I want my babies near me.
I go back to the tv. In a matter of moments the two towers are gone. So too is my secure little wonderful life.
That morning before I got out of bed, as I replay the day before me, would I have done anything different had I known? If I'd known that those would be the last secure and safe hours as I knew them.
Numbers. Now they mean numbers that died.....numbers of people in the plane that went down in Pennsylvania. Numbers of hero's that picked body parts out of the spots in New York and Pennsylvania. Numbers that have since died in a war that I don't believe in but was as a result of this day.
9 1 1-today they mean peace to me and a pledge that I will do my very best to bring peace in my own way, everyday not only on this day.
This morning, 9 1 1. I wake up. Instantly I look at the clock and it brings me back. I was lying on the couch. Another cold has taken up my head. Need to buy more kleenex and make sure it's the one with lotion. I just hate having to miss work -wait-special news report, my heart ALWAYS skips a beat when this-OH MY did he just say WHAT-did I really just see a plane-omgosh, that plane, it just hit into that-OH MY.....Charles Gibson is speechless, I am speechless. Fire-can we get a closer picture, I hear. They say two planes hit, more flames and smoke and now they're talking about the Pentagon, the Washington one-fire smoke and people running.
I call Paul who is at work, he is with the Federal Inspectors doing a plant walk through-he answers and I tell him that we are being bombarded-that the world is going crazy. I'm so shook up, I can barely talk or get a sentence straight. He tells the inspectors the news and they call in to work. It turns out that they were being paged and called like crazy but the telephone lines were jammed and couldn't get through to them-they are told to return to the office immediately. The government was on lock down and all employees were to be present and accounted for at once.
I then call my dad. He answers in a groggy voice and I tell him, wake up Dad, we are being torn apart-someone is trying to hurt us and through the tears and silence he and I watch tv together separately in our own living rooms. I keep my eyes on the sky at the same time. I notice that there are several cars pulled over along my busy street-are they watching the sky too? I say goodbye to my dad as I need to have my girls with me....need to have them safe with me, in my arms where I can feel their breath and their movements and know they are safe. I call the school office and again, I can barely speak, I try to tell the secretary the words and she said ok, we've heard, we are aware and the principle feels that they are safe here. We're safe. They will be ok. She assures me that it's best to keep them here and in the routine they are in. I go along but my heart breaks, I want my babies near me.
I go back to the tv. In a matter of moments the two towers are gone. So too is my secure little wonderful life.
That morning before I got out of bed, as I replay the day before me, would I have done anything different had I known? If I'd known that those would be the last secure and safe hours as I knew them.
Numbers. Now they mean numbers that died.....numbers of people in the plane that went down in Pennsylvania. Numbers of hero's that picked body parts out of the spots in New York and Pennsylvania. Numbers that have since died in a war that I don't believe in but was as a result of this day.
9 1 1-today they mean peace to me and a pledge that I will do my very best to bring peace in my own way, everyday not only on this day.
May God continue to Bless America
Monday, September 6, 2010
Dieting-pre-op style
So in order for me to have the DS procedure, my surgeon is requiring me to lose 15 lbs......in 3 weeks. It was supposed to be 2 weeks but I started early, and thank goodness I did too because I am going to need the additional week.
I had a pre-op visit with a nutritionist last week (she was a stinkin 99 lb. beauty queen that obviously has no babies-YET) and she suggested perhaps changing my surg. date to give me more time to lose....um HELL NO. It's taken me 4 years to be healthy enough to get to this point ok Barbie-this broad's NOT moving that date! So I mention that I may try diet pills-her response, "those are not healthy" ok and losing 15 lbs. in 2 weeks is???
So apparently when you stop eating carbs. and all the other crap that is in food now a days, your body goes through a kind of withdrawal and I mean it....even my thinking is affected. I'm feeling like I have chemo-brain again and forgetting words, names and simple everyday things. I'm thinking that I'm getting a feeling of what an early age Alzheimer patient feels like.....crazy!! Not to mention a KILLER head ache since like diet day #2 uggg. The sunny disposition that I normally have.....mmm is GONE. Susy Sunshine has left the friggin building! This BETTER all be worth it....if I get to that hospital on Sept. 22 and have only lost 14 lbs....I'm gonna blow up!! Take away my food baby and it better have a good outcome in the end!!
This would be an ideal outcome.....
I'm thinking it will be.....:)
That my friends....is how a Northerner Talks!
I had a pre-op visit with a nutritionist last week (she was a stinkin 99 lb. beauty queen that obviously has no babies-YET) and she suggested perhaps changing my surg. date to give me more time to lose....um HELL NO. It's taken me 4 years to be healthy enough to get to this point ok Barbie-this broad's NOT moving that date! So I mention that I may try diet pills-her response, "those are not healthy" ok and losing 15 lbs. in 2 weeks is???
So apparently when you stop eating carbs. and all the other crap that is in food now a days, your body goes through a kind of withdrawal and I mean it....even my thinking is affected. I'm feeling like I have chemo-brain again and forgetting words, names and simple everyday things. I'm thinking that I'm getting a feeling of what an early age Alzheimer patient feels like.....crazy!! Not to mention a KILLER head ache since like diet day #2 uggg. The sunny disposition that I normally have.....mmm is GONE. Susy Sunshine has left the friggin building! This BETTER all be worth it....if I get to that hospital on Sept. 22 and have only lost 14 lbs....I'm gonna blow up!! Take away my food baby and it better have a good outcome in the end!!
This would be an ideal outcome.....
or.....
I'm thinking it will be.....:)
That my friends....is how a Northerner Talks!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)