9 1 1

Numbers....and usually in everyday use they mean nothing.  But every year on this day, and the days leading up to this day,  they begin to mean something.  Five days ago they mean another year is gone since that day.  Four days ago they mean a quiet moment and a tear shed.  Three days ago it means remember to get the flag out, take note-iron and make sure pole is painted pretty.  Two days ago more memories as the newspapers and internet begin to fill with stories and pictures.  One day ago-that funny empty feeling in the pit of my tummy.  I pause several times through out the day and a memory actually takes my breath away.
This morning, 9 1 1.  I wake up.  Instantly I look at the clock and it brings me back.  I was lying on the couch.  Another cold has taken up my head.  Need to buy more kleenex and make sure it's the one with lotion.  I just hate having to miss work -wait-special news report, my heart ALWAYS skips a beat when this-OH MY did he just say WHAT-did I really just see a plane-omgosh, that plane, it just hit into that-OH MY.....Charles Gibson is speechless, I am speechless.  Fire-can we get a closer picture, I hear.  They say two planes hit, more flames and smoke and now they're talking about the Pentagon, the Washington one-fire smoke and people running.  
I call Paul who is at work, he is with the Federal Inspectors doing a plant walk through-he answers and I tell him that we are being bombarded-that the world is going crazy.  I'm so shook up, I can barely talk or get a sentence straight.  He tells the inspectors the news and they call in to work.  It turns out that they were being paged and called like crazy but the telephone lines were jammed and couldn't get through to them-they are told to return to the office immediately. The government was on lock down and all employees were to be present and accounted for at once.
I then call my dad.  He answers in a groggy voice and I tell him, wake up Dad, we are being torn apart-someone is trying to hurt us and through the tears and silence he and I watch tv together separately in our own living rooms.  I keep my eyes on the sky at the same time.  I notice that there are several cars pulled over along my busy street-are they watching the sky too?  I say goodbye to my dad as I need to have my girls with me....need to have them safe with me, in my arms where I can feel their breath and their movements and know they are safe.  I call the school office and again, I can barely speak, I try to tell the secretary the words and she said ok, we've heard, we are aware and the principle feels that they are safe here.  We're safe.  They will be ok.  She assures me that it's best to keep them here and in the routine they are in.  I go along but my heart breaks, I want my babies near me. 
I go back to the tv.  In a matter of moments the two towers are gone.  So too is my secure little wonderful life.  
That morning before I got out of bed, as I replay the day before me, would I have done anything different had I known?  If I'd known that those would be the last secure and safe hours as I knew them.
Numbers. Now they mean numbers that died.....numbers of people in the plane that went down in Pennsylvania.  Numbers of hero's that picked body parts out of the spots in New York and Pennsylvania. Numbers that have since died in a war that I don't believe in but was as a result of this day.

9 1 1-today they mean peace to me and a pledge that I will do my very best to bring peace in my own way, everyday not only on this day.

May God continue to Bless America